I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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