Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
