How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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