chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
