the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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