is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
