So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
