i permit you to call me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
