ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
