Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize