Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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