You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
