I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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