There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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