meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
