I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
