i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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