Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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