I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
