I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
