My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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