i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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