Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
