I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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