love makes seman taste better
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
