youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
