two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
