I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
