That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
