Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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