Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
