Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
