Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
