how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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