you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize