I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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