Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
