as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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