@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
