I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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