She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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