I didn't shave. On purpose
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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