I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
