So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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