Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
