ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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