I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
