i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
