a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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