come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
