After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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