The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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