: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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