I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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