sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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