A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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