I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
