i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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