How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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