I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
