No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
