It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
