You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
