They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
