Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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