Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
