I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
