Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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