idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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