So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
