he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
