im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
