there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize