i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
