Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize