i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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