i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
