Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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