True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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