He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
