I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
