Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
