I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
