If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
