one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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