oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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