After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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