His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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