he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
