I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
