Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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