I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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